Monday, January 5, 2015

Reflections, Omens, and Resolutions

It’s January 5th and I’m floundering. I haven’t made any resolutions for the New Year; I haven’t even had, or perhaps taken, the time to reflect on the past year.

I’m not a New Year’s Resolution fanatic, but I’ve always used the season to look back, reconsider, and then look forward. Some years, my husband and I have even taken a short sabbatical to formalize our review and planning. This year I did none of that in advance of the changing of the calendar and, except for a few short conversations brought on by my increasing frustration over my feelings of purposelessness, I haven’t come up with much that’s definitive in the last five days. As I’ve rolled around in my mind thoughts about goals, dreams, and needs, I’ve realized one of the reasons I’ve struggled with the idea of resolutions this year is I’ve achieved (or am traveling the path toward) two of my resolution regulars:  lose weight and become more fit. These have been at the top of my list of resolutions for as long as I can remember. This past year, I made progress on both and I have a plan for continuation. Check those off my list (or at least relegate them to the “in process” list).

What, then, should be on my true, active list of New Year’s Resolutions for 2015?  I asked myself that question out loud yesterday as I walked the dogs. I thought having a verbal conversation with myself would spark ideas, prioritize dreams, perhaps even conjure miracles. Walking through the trees next to the Deschutes River, I said out loud, “So, what do I want out of this new year?” The path, covered in snow and ice, felt a bit treacherous so I walked carefully, watching ahead for every step in an attempt to stay upright. As I asked my question, I looked up momentarily and there above the river, flying straight toward me, was a bald eagle. I have this spiritual thing about bald eagles (and Mt. Hood and saguaro cacti) and I’ve only seen one near this part of the river once before, so seeing one then, as I asked myself this introspective question, filled me with awe, delight, and hope.

Have I made my list of resolutions for the coming year? Not really, not formally; however, I am sitting with my coffee and writing this morning…

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