Monday, September 19, 2011

Just an "Off" Day?

Last Thursday, as I glanced at the calendar, I realized that I had double-booked myself for that morning. Then, to my astonishment, I realized that I had also double-booked myself for that evening! As I ran into my physical therapy appointment a half-hour later (after quickly dropping the dog off at the vet’s), I rambled out my apologies for being a few minutes late and explained how I had double-booked myself. The receptionist, a sweet young thing still shy of the quarter-century mark, said, “Oh, Debbie, you’re just having an off day.” That evening at a social engagement (which I managed to breeze into after picking the dog up from the vet’s), I lamented about “off” days to a woman who I took to be a few years older than me. She looked at me with a look something close to pity and said, “Unfortunately, it’s probably not just an ‘off’ day; it’s probably what your norm will be like. That’s what happens as we age. It’s all hormonal.” As I thought back on the last few months, heck, the last few years, I realized that she’s probably right. My super-organized brain just isn’t functioning the way it used to and I frequently find myself messing up schedules and feeling fuddled by the numerous activities of our family. I used to be the Queen of organization and juggling schedules; now sometimes I feel more like the Court Jester. Perhaps that’s the answer: laugh at myself as if I am the Court Jester and at least the rest of my body will benefit from the laughter, even if my brain is still working in hormone-mode.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Oh the Games People Play

Recently someone made the comment that I’d given up on writing my blog. I was shocked! I know I haven’t written much of anything in the last few months, but I certainly never looked at it as having given up on writing. I’ve made the excuse that I’m giving myself some down time after having handed off most of my volunteer responsibilities. I’ve said that I feel a little brain dead and need time to recoup. But, when I assess my actions honestly, I have to admit to myself that I’m actually participating in a little procrastination. I’m playing a little game with myself. Sure, this was a busy summer and, now with school back in session, there are new schedules to become familiar with. Excuses, excuses and more excuses. The reality is, I have now freed myself to pursue other goals and objectives – specifically, the goal of pursuing writing in a more professional manner, i.e. getting published, and that’s more than a little bit scary. So, if I don’t write, I don’t have to worry about that – I can just be “busy” with other activities and ignore my dreams. But, here I am, pushing into my mid-50s and I don’t want to ignore my dreams. GI Joe says, “Knowing is half the battle,” and, yes, now I know that I’m procrastinating, and now I need to conquer the other half of the battle – doing. No more games. No more procrastinating. It’s time to organize myself around my new reality and DO!