Several elements have been working together lately to encourage me to reassess my priorities, to look at where I am and where I want to be. My husband’s own reassessment of his professional goals, the two Celebrations of Life that we’ve gone to recently and my own aches and pains that remind me that, regardless of how I feel inside, my body is no longer in its prime, all have been causing a muddling in my mind. What I once thought of as my known path now seems to have branched off in some indistinct direction where I don’t know my surroundings and I’m not sure which way to turn. As I’ve thought my way through this I’ve realized that, at 52, it’s time for me to look at how I spend my time and use my energy because if I’m not doing what I want to be doing now, the advancing years necessitate that changes be made before more years fly by and my dreams and desires continue to sit in the file labeled, “Later”.
When I started writing this blog over three years ago I wrote in my profile that I was a drummer and writer wannabe. Well, three years have come and gone and the drum set which sits outside my office door has remained untouched – if it were in my bedroom, it would have become a clothes rack – and the only thing I’ve written has been these entries into my blog. There are some responsibilities in my life that are non-negotiable – our children’s needs, our family’s finances and related bookkeeping. Time spent on kids and family cannot be dismissed; this is time that comes with having the title of “wife” and “mom”, but other responsibilities, particularly those labeled “volunteer” can be eliminated and, after much thought, I realize that it is time to take that step. From the age of 19 to 37 I was a banker, a professional, a working mom. With the addition of the fourth child to our family, I realized that it was time to make the tough decision to do something different; something that would allow me to spend more time with our children. I left the bank and decided to take six months off while I figured out what would come next. That was almost 16 years ago and what did I do next? I stayed home, I took care of my family and I became a volunteer. Now it is time for me to focus on my own dreams. It is time for me to step back from my volunteer commitments in order to free up time for those dreams. This has been a really tough decision for me to make; I like my volunteer jobs. I feel as if the work I’ve done has made a difference. However, I could go on doing these same jobs for the next 20 or 30 years and my drum set would still be sitting there unused and my writing would still consist only of short little entries in my blog. Rock on! Write on! Here’s to new beginnings.