Thursday, March 3, 2011

Solitude

A few days ago my youngest son asked me what I do all day when they’re at school. I went through my list of chores, errands and “work” (our own family bookkeeping and scheduling as well as a couple of volunteer commitments). He then asked if I wished that they were home with me all day and I responded with a resounding, “No!” I love my children, but the truth is, I love my time alone and I crave solitude.

Growing up I would sit for hours by my bedroom window just looking outside and thinking. I loved walking on the beach and thinking. At night, I would gaze up at the stars contemplating the universe and thinking. As an adult, I don’t feel like I have time to think. Not the type of thinking needed to arrange schedules or balance checkbooks, but the type of thinking needed to calm one’s mind. My nephew recently posted on Facebook that he loves walking beside the Columbia River and reflecting. I was jealous of his ability to take the time for that sort of solitude, for that time to think. One of the reasons I like to write is because formulating my thoughts around a topic forces me to think, forces me to contemplate something more than just who has what appointment today.

I saw a quote in the paper last week that really summed up my need for solitude.

“When we get out of the glass bottle of our ego and when we escape like the squirrels in the cage of our personality and get into the forest again, we shall shiver with cold and fright. But things will happen to us so that we don’t know ourselves. Cool, unlying life will rush in.” --D.H. Lawrence

I want, I need to let life rush in!

2 comments:

Kim H. said...

I always tell my kids I spend all day playing Nintendo and trying to beat their scores, then erase the evidence so no one will know the truth. Like I would even have that amount of time to do that and really, would I spend my free time with Nintendo? I think not. I haven't played Nintendo for years. I love my solitude too. I love looking out my windows and listening to the silence. I love the silence. I do my best work with no one around. Amazing how household chores, kids' schedules, parents' schedules, and the little things get done around the house. Now, where are my bon bons....

Gloria said...

I'm there 100% with you Deb! I relish in my solitude when the kids are in school. Ahhhh enjoying it now....