A few days ago my youngest son asked me what I do all day when they’re at school. I went through my list of chores, errands and “work” (our own family bookkeeping and scheduling as well as a couple of volunteer commitments). He then asked if I wished that they were home with me all day and I responded with a resounding, “No!” I love my children, but the truth is, I love my time alone and I crave solitude.
Growing up I would sit for hours by my bedroom window just looking outside and thinking. I loved walking on the beach and thinking. At night, I would gaze up at the stars contemplating the universe and thinking. As an adult, I don’t feel like I have time to think. Not the type of thinking needed to arrange schedules or balance checkbooks, but the type of thinking needed to calm one’s mind. My nephew recently posted on Facebook that he loves walking beside the Columbia River and reflecting. I was jealous of his ability to take the time for that sort of solitude, for that time to think. One of the reasons I like to write is because formulating my thoughts around a topic forces me to think, forces me to contemplate something more than just who has what appointment today.
I saw a quote in the paper last week that really summed up my need for solitude.
“When we get out of the glass bottle of our ego and when we escape like the squirrels in the cage of our personality and get into the forest again, we shall shiver with cold and fright. But things will happen to us so that we don’t know ourselves. Cool, unlying life will rush in.” --D.H. Lawrence
I want, I need to let life rush in!