Thursday, February 25, 2010

Needed and Needy

As a mom and a wife, heck, as a woman, I’m used to being needed. Whether it’s my kids, my husband, or my volunteer commitments, I definitely feel needed and, frankly, I like being needed. I like that my husband looks to me as his confidant. I like that my family needs me for tasks and support, great and small. I like that they look to me to “keep the ship running”. However, sometimes I am needy. Sometimes my positive outlook slips into the “hole without joy”. Sometimes, my body doesn’t function perfectly and I feel sick or achy. Sometimes I need the figurative hug of comfort. My husband and my children are usually pretty good about appreciating me and making sure I am taken care of when I need that, but, lately, there’s just too much neediness. Kids with major bumps and bruises (one requiring surgery), other “growing up kid stuff” that needs to be dealt with, a husband with some major stressors, paperwork and tax preparation that seem never ending – no lack of feeling needed for me. But during this “needed” time, I’m also feeling quite “needy”. My body has aches and pains that seem to just keep springing up. The level of stress I’m feeling, from being so needed, has reached an all-time high. Stress keeps me up at night, no doubt adds to the aches and pains, and then the downward spiral begins. If my mom were still living, I’d tell her I need her to come take care of me for a few days. This clash between being needed and needy is tough and I know I’m not alone. I can think of at least half a dozen friends who, I have no doubt, are caught in this same place with me. It would certainly be easier if we could all just separate the times we’re needed from the times when we’re feeling truly needy and not have the two happen at the same time, but life doesn't let us make those choices. So, what do we do? We go on. We do what we have to do: we take care of our families, we complete our work and chores and we make it through the day by always looking for that little smile, hug or bit of support that assuages some of our own neediness.

Post-Script: After I posted this I realized that I should have ended with, "What do I need today? I need to spend the day in bed...and I'm going to!"


Kim H. said...

A day in bed is always great, a day of nothingness..though is it ever really a day of nothingness? Not really, not for moms and wives, but, it is still a day when we can regroup, gather up our thoughts, relax and reflect. I've been doing that lately too. It's not because we are unhappy with our lives, it's because we get too busy and we need that breather. Then the ironic thing is, when we have a day of nothingness, we feel guilty, but for me, it is only for a fleeting moment. Like I always say, if mama ain't happy, then no one is happy!! Wish you guys were coming to the Omaha auction, we miss our Dunham family!

amy said...

Breathe in. Breathe out. That's what I try and do when I feel like hiding. You are a pretty amazing lady with a huge heart. No wonder your family needs you so much!

A while back you asked about the header for your blog. Are you still interested?

Annie Khalid said...

You sound like an "achiever" to me. Knowing that you are needed is the best feeling in the world especially if it's coming from your loved ones.

God Bless!