My husband and I travelled yesterday to attend my nephew’s wedding. The bride and groom are both 40-ish+, second marriages for both. I hadn’t yet met my nephew’s fiancé, but on the car ride here I found myself thinking about both of them and what their life together would be like. My nephew is dear to me. I was only eight years old when he was born and he lived with us quite a bit of the time when he was growing up so, in many ways, he was more like a little brother to me than a nephew. I so want him to be happy! As we drove, I thought about what I’d say if there was a time allotted for toasts and I came up with two versions of what I’d like to say to them.
First, I thought of my husband and myself (we’ve been married 32 years) and I thought of what roles we play within our marriage that help to keep our relationship strong. My toast: In marriage, may you be each other’s friend, lover, confidant and supporter and may those roles grow and become richer with each passing year.
Then, I again referred to our own marriage, trying to pinpoint a specific action that helps keep us close. My toast (partly a story): On our wedding day, our photos were taken by an old, eccentric photographer. We ended up with beautiful scenic shots that showcase not only us, but also the beautiful day of our wedding on the Washington coast. Our photographer suggested that we have several enlargements made of some of the more scenic photos and that we put them up on our bedroom wall as a reminder of our joy on the day of our wedding. Those photos are still on our bedroom wall and, more than once, I have stomped into our room and slammed the door over one irritation or another only to find myself face-to-face with those photos. “Darn,” I say to myself, “I really want to be mad right now,” but when I see those photos I’m reminded of why I married my husband and whatever the irritation is, it seems to lose its importance. So, my wish for the two of you is that you will always remember the love and happiness you feel today and keep in mind the big picture of what your marriage is and what you want it to be, even as you encounter the irritations and angers that are inevitable when two individuals blend their lives together.
There was only one toast, given by the bride’s father, so I didn’t have to choose which of my toasts to use. Hopefully they read my blog.