Where have I been? I haven’t written anything in weeks. Part of the problem is that my laptop has somehow been appropriated and is now the family kitchen computer. Previously, no one else used it and it sat by my writing spot, so that it was always there, waiting for me. That’s really not a good excuse for not writing, but the change in location has disrupted my routine. The real reason for not writing is that I’ve just been too tired to think. I’ve tried working out my thoughts in my head, but it all sounds like a jumble. The ideas don’t connect; the thoughts don’t pan out. My brain just feels tired. I bought a box of greeting cards recently; one of them reads, “Just when did having to juggle everything become a way of life?” I read that and I nod my head; yes, I understand. Just last night someone asked how our family has been. I said, “Busy,” and the person came back with, “Yeah, that’s pretty much how everything is now, isn’t it?” That’s sad.
What I’ve realized during the last few weeks is that I’m not really taking very good care of myself. I’m to the point where stress has me breathing funny on a regular basis; sleep consists of six hours a night, if I’m lucky; food is the comfort I give myself to get through the day. Not a very healthy way to live. But the question is: how does one change that lifestyle? Meditation is the answer that comes most readily to mind, but I’m not sure when I’m supposed to do that – stay up later to meditate? Get up even earlier? It would also be good to have fewer “have to’s” piled on my plate, but again, I’m not sure how I’m supposed to do that – what job, activity or responsibility do I forego? This sounds somewhat whiney and I don’t mean to say that my life is busier than anyone else’s. I know far too many women, and men, who are in this same boat with me. I just don’t know what to do about it and, while I try to figure it out, I just continue to feel too tired to think.