Monday, January 28, 2008

Regrets No More

I have only one real regret in my life. I’m sure there are people who have many more and some who will think my regret is petty, but it’s still my regret and it’s still real to me. My regret is that I didn’t try out to be a cheerleader when I was in high school. High school sports were very important in our community and the cheerleaders lead the enthusiasm. I’d watched the cheerleaders since I was a little girl. I dreamed of standing up in front of everyone leading cheers, but when I got to high school and it was time for tryouts, I didn’t even tell anyone of my dream and I did not tryout – not my freshman year, not my sophomore year, not my junior year. I didn’t even tryout when an overweight, unpopular classmate tried out and was laughed off the stage by the upper classmen. If she could try out, surely I could, but I was too afraid of failing. I thought the embarrassment of failing would be too much for me to handle, so I never even tried. Looking back from the perspective of a few years, I see that not only would I likely have won a position on the squad, but that I cheated myself by not even giving it a shot.

Friday a friend sent me a newspaper article about a Disney “contest” to select a CMO – Chief Magical Official. It sounded perfect for me, but the deadline was yesterday. That left only two days to put together a sixty second video and complete the on-line application. Friday evening at dinner, I told my family about the position using a somewhat joking manner, even though I really wanted to try for it. Their response will always be one of those special I-know-I’m-loved moments for me. Each and every one of them took it for granted that I would apply. They encouraged me to do whatever it took to get the video ready. They heaped ideas on the table. It was wonderful! My husband spent hours putting together a rough draft video and then refining it to coordinate with the commentary that I wrote. Our weekend was consumed with the project. I was taken aback by the support I received. Sometimes it’s easy to feel taken advantage of as a stay-at-home mom. Sometimes I feel like I give and do for everyone else, but that I don’t always receive back an appropriate amount of appreciation. The support my family, especially my husband, gave me for this project has helped me to realize that they do all support me and they do all want me to be happy.

We finally finished the video around one o’clock yesterday afternoon. I completed the on-line application and set-up the upload of the video. It didn’t work. I did the application again and again set-up the upload and it took, but it uploaded at such a slow pace, due I’m sure to an overload on the receiving end, that five hours later my one minute video had not finished uploading and shut down. We tried two more times, with me completing the on-line application each time. The last time we tried, there were only a few minutes left until the application deadline. We never were able to get the video to upload. Sure, it was disappointing to know that I wouldn’t even have the opportunity to be considered for the position, but I mostly felt bad that my husband had spent so much of his time on this project at a time when he has a lot of his own work to do and then it didn’t even get used. I talked with my husband about it and his perspective, like mine, was that, while it was disappointing to not be able to complete the process, the main point, the most important point, was that I had tried. I put aside my worries that I would be embarrassed by not being chosen; I saw something I wanted and I took the steps to at least be considered. I feel good about the process and about the support I received and I didn’t saddle myself with a second regret.

Post-Script: This afternoon I received an e-mail saying that there was, in fact, a technical problem on the receiving end and that I would be allowed to upload my video today as long as it was done before midnight. I have done so and have received back an acknowledgment, so, who knows....?


amy said...

Yea! I'm so excited for you. That is great that you could still submit it. Do we get to see it on your blog?

Troy said...

I was going to say the same thing Amy did... You should really upload the video to youtube or something and post it here. It's pretty easy to make an account and upload a video there, or I could do it for you when I get home tonight if you want.