Usually, I am a person who is on top of whatever is happening, whatever needs to be done. However, the last few days I’ve found myself purposefully procrastinating. I know I have several tasks to do for my volunteer job, I know there are chores around the house that are waiting for me, I know that I need to get back to making better food choices, but I’ve made it a point to avoid having time to do any of these. It bothers me when I find myself practicing this type of avoidance, but I have found that I usually have to either let the process run its course or figure out what’s causing me to procrastinate. After two days of feeling frumpy, tired and irritable, last night it hit me that my husband’s pending birthday (he’ll turn 50 tomorrow), is causing me all sorts of strange feelings. For more than thirty years, his changing age in January heralds my changing to that same age in May. This year, the fact that he turns 50 this month means that I’ll be turning 50 soon. I’ve felt pretty good about the idea of turning 50; I’ve convinced myself that I’m excited about it, but after the last few days, I realize that I’m not quite as comfortable about this milestone as I thought I was.
I know that part of the reason is that I’m not feeling and looking my best. I haven’t yet dropped the extra ten pounds from my relaxed December, my roots are in desperate need of color (I have an appointment today) and, strangely, leaving tasks and chores undone also makes me feel less than great about myself. I’ve put myself into a downward spiral: feel bad about getting older, avoid things I should be doing that would help me to look and feel better so then I feel bad about getting older… You get the picture? So, as of today, no more excuses. I do have time to fix myself a nutritious lunch before I leave to get my hair colored. I will go up to my office this morning and update our Quicken records. I will send an e-mail that will start rolling one of the volunteer tasks I need to do. And, by doing just these few things, I’ll feel better, I’ll treat myself better and I’ll reverse that spiral to an upwards direction. Engage the PMA!